My Faith Lately and a Lovely Grateful Sandwich

I’d like to start off with some statements of gratitude.  I’m so grateful for my life. Sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes it sucks for lack of a “better” term.  That word suck has been in practice for so long, why not keep it going!? I’m so grateful for imperfection.  I’m grateful for the imperfections, hidden or disclosed of everyone that’s ever been important to me. These imperfections allow me to have perspective and to grow and to see more clearly. I’m grateful for the majorities and I’m even more grateful for the minorities. I’ll also end with more gratitudes.

Just got done with an early morning gym trip, listening to a great faith builder and spiritual leader, about halfway through his book.  Definitely, one that many, possibly most, would not think as a faith builder. He talks about how doubt, and deconstructing the concept of certainty can help us in our journey for purpose and spiritual progression if you will.  This man is outside of the Mormon church. Many speak of such things inside Mormondom, yet hearing it from him helps me in a deeper sense. For a long time, I thought the cultural and the people problems within the LDS church was special to Utah or to the Church.  I was wrong. These intricacies are not unique to us and they are unlikely unique to the U.S. or to Western culture. This aspect is very powerful and special to me. In a beautiful sense, it means the whole world has a lot in common and so much to be grateful for and yet so much to work on.  A beautiful paradox indeed.

The last eight months have been what many would call the beginning or even middle of my “faith crisis” for me.  There is a large community out there, and maybe a few that will read this that know what this means, intimately. I sense that many are out there and most that will read this, do not understand what this means in general or maybe I should say, yet.  I feel and I make a fairly educated guess that there is a vast array of folks that know me and that do not, once they read or hear the term “faith crisis”, they lack an understanding of what that is. Today I will speak to both, but if I know my mind well enough, I’m guessing it’ll be more so for the latter group. The group that tends to lack an understanding that doubt, questions, and openness to outside of the LDS church, information on self-improvement, light, maybe even truth, I know you, I am you still, I was you and I love and appreciate you.

A question for ya, did you grow up in a society, culture and/or home where mainly one train of thought was taught?  I think I’m asking nicely (and here is it more directly), was it a fairly dogmatic climate for you? If you don’t know what that means here is the definition.  Dogmatic: characterized by or given to the expression of opinions very strongly or positively as if they were facts (Merriam Webster Dictionary, Online).  Maybe you have never thought of this. Maybe you don’t know how or if you can answer this. If this is you, I’d encourage you to think back.  When you were of that prime age of infancy or even eight years old or teen years when you had reached those prime checkpoint years of obtaining some role, calling, ordination or any responsibility; were you given a choice?  I mean, a real choice. Were options presented to you as to what you could believe and where you could go to obtain an understanding of deity, theology, the universe of energy, or of spiritual belief and thought? If you’ve answered an honest “yes” to this, maybe this post is not for you.  If you’ve answer maybe, possibly or an adamant “NO”, then I am going to infer for you that this is definitely for you. And I’ll even go out on a limb and say, even if you think, it’s a “yes”, it might even be a “no”, because you even though deep enough about it. I have an awareness about myself, that right now, I know I am being a bias, but aren’t we all fairly bias, to some degree?  Maybe not, I know I have a long ways to go still in my journey, in my faith, and in my thought.

As I have an amazing six-year-old girl, I am learning first hand that the young mind is curious, creative and so willing and wanting to branch out in many facets.  Much of the time, I think we limit little ones at this age with what, I, we and/or you think is best for them. On a similar but different level I think this is done with religion in the world and in my situation I think it was done for me for a while and those that were the strongest influencers on me, I know they were only doing what they knew to be best for themselves and for me. Turns out these days that is not the best route for me and frankly I don’t think it’s the most ideal route for anyone.  To summarize this thought and tying back to an earlier comment; any place with dogma and a biased agenda, there can develop ignorance, extreme judgment, lacking tolerance, love, and understanding.

First and foremost, especially because I’m certain ones in my life that I truly love that my struggle to understand my path and perspective lately; I want to say to you, I love you and I know your heart is in the right place. I think all of our hearts are in the right place.  There is goodness in all of us. I’d go as far to say that most, if not all are born good and die good. It’s just in the middle of all that, that goodness gets confuzzled, construed, lost, or taken away. It’s up to us, me, you, everyone just about, to bring emphasis to this goodness that we all have in us.  

If you want to know where I stand in or with the Mormon church, if you don’t know me well enough or can’t put it together, call me, write me, stop me in the grocery store and let's talk.  We grow when we connect and share our stories. I believe this wholeheartedly. I hope I don’t come across as too mysterious to the point of appearing or being egotistic or prideful. I just don’t think it’s my job to tell you exactly what I believe and not even because it’s private but because when we do that it leaves too many chances for the observer to follow or the other route, completely deny the information. Let’s grow and search and discover together in this beautiful, yet complicated difficult life.

To end with more gratitude and even some love, because love and gratitude have the greatest potential for good, in my opinion.  If you don’t already know this about me, I love, love, love and am so grateful for nature and the cold these days. My journey has landed on an amazing practice called the Wim Hof Method and it’s dynamic, and broad, and open and individual on many levels and even connecting to others and highly collective and is probably my biggest constant right now.  I love and am grateful for my wife, and my three children, they undoubtedly have made me who I am today, at least in the most important ways, as a now third of my life has been with them. Very grateful for my mom, wow is a rockstar, my grandfather Hassard that is passing away right now, my amazing brother Jonathan and all of my family that I was or am close to. So grateful for diversity, for challenges, for people, for connection and for so many difficult issues in our society that need attention and improvement that I feel drawn to be a part of to help, to bring people together with love and intimacy.